It’s no secret that this trip we’re embarking on will be filled with challenges, and being the avid use of the internet as I am, I have read up on some of the larger hurdles we will face when attempting to steer our two trusty steeds from Sweden to Mongolia.
Here’s some things that I at least found challenging.
Yes, we need to drink a lot during the rally, we’re talking 6-7 liters/day, if we don’t want to get dehydrated, since the heat in some of the countries we’re passing by will be insanely hot.
Tho, this is not the biggest water related issue.
AH! The bottled water! I hope you newbies don’t mind carbonated water, as unless you can read cyrillic, you’ll be drinking a shitload of the stuff once that latin alphabet runs out the further east you get. Oh and asking “Niet pssssht?” at the till when paying doesn’t help.
Trust me, you might think “Big deal you idiot!” now. But just wait until it’s 40c+ in somewhere like Kaz, you’ve just stocked up on a few new bottles and you crack that first one to take a swig of that lovely still, chilled h2o and it goes “Pssssht!” at you as you twist the cap. If you’re not into Perrier, it’s the most demoralising fucking sound in the world.
Yes, personally, I started drinking pssssht-water a couple of weeks back, only to get used to it (if DOES taste different). Now the next step is to tyr drinking it hot™.
There’s no doubt that we will see our fair amount of the friendly police corruption that is going on in all the countries after we hit up Ukraine, where it’s supposedly the worst. We’re not talking US congress corruption, but full on frontal in the wrong locker room corruption (yup, that made no sense). There are however a few good tips from earlier ralliers to be had.
Play dumb. Like, dropped as a kid dumb. Then start the who-can-last-the-longest game, a game which might last 2-3 hours if you’re unlucky.
Another very good plan of action is to pull up the map as soon as the cops flag you down, and before they even have the chance to open their moths and violate the english language, you start pointing at the map and ask for directions, butchering their language, no doubt.
Bring a blond chick in the car. I heard that can be pretty good too.
There’s also the option of just ignoring them when they try and flag you down, and ignore their sirens/light behind you. This method might prove good, but I have not heard of that many doing it … wonder why? $10 to the team that does this, and documents it on film.
Not only will it get super hot. Like, super awesome amazeballs hot. It will also get super amazingly fucked up cold. Yes. We’re traveling so far that we’ll get all the vacation weather out there, be it summer vacation at the beach, or the winter vacation in the mountains snowboarding. We will see it all. How the hell do you pack for that diverse weather? You don’t.
As long as we don’t get the fucked up british weather, I’ll be a fully happy and content camper.
Yep. Be prepared for snow and ice as well as 52 degree heat. One day we were literally melting into the drivers seat (you get used to driving in a pool of your co-drivers sweat when it’s your turn behind the wheel) and the next you’re freezing your behind off in a snow covered Mongolian border compound. Aaaahh happy days!
There’s tons of more things that will be challenging of course. Not knowing the language, not knowing the directions to drive, forgotten the oven on at home, get your hands on cold beers … where to do Yoga? But we’ll cover that at a later date.
You might be wondering why I didn’t mention the fact that we might se 5-6 days without a shower … well, obviously you have never been to the Roskilde Festival. We WELCOME the fact that we don’t have to shower. It’ll be better that way. No one really knows who it is that’s giving out that alluring smell.
Smell you later. Yes, you will.